Just asking...

Just read a news article about the bishop who sees the Pablo disaster as a warning against the passage of the RH bill. It sparked debates, as always. In as much as there is much to say, I don't want to join the black-and-white discussion because in my opinion, the RH Bill debate will never end.

It's because people are arguing on the matter using different paradigms. You have one side which banks on realism and practicality; while on the other, you have one that argues using theology. How can you get to a common answer when you are answering two different questions? 

Apart from the Bill, there are also a lot of things that are often viewed through different opinions that are most dichotomized as theological and secular. Examples of these would be democracy, homosexuality, cloning, etc. Granting that most of the opinionated (and rather head-on) online posts are from the secular-side, I've had a fair enough understanding of where they are coming from. But more than that, I do not want to be ignorant of the theological perspective too. Hence, I would like to take this opportunity to ask the following questions in hope that somebody can answer it.

1. How do religious institutions base their judgment? Is it by the will of God or by tradition handed from generation to generation?

2. If it's by tradition, are these traditions infallible or were they altered at some point along history? Are the traditions practiced by the first believers exactly the same as the traditions followed by people now? Are these traditions absolutely theological in premise and were never influenced by societal and cultural norms?

3. If it's by the will of God, how do we know that it is the will of God and not the will of the person who thinks of it? Who determines which is God’s will and which is not?

4. Is God’s will revealed only to those who are chosen? If so, who determines the chosen? And if ever such is the case, how can we be assured that the will of the chosen is absolutely uninfluenced by mundane desires?

5. The Latin phrase 'Vox Populi Vox Dei' means that 'the voice of the people is the voice of God'. If such is the case, isn't this counter-intuitive to the idea of 'the Chosen'?

So yeah. There are some questions which I already have a personal answer; but then, I still want to know what other people think. Also, be reminded that these questions are not directed to a specific religious order but to all theological institutions. v(^_^)

Tears, Beauty, and Tummy Aches

In line with the recent intellectual pursuits that I've found myself subconsciously traversing (thanks to a certain enemy that is helping me resuscitate my whimpering brain cells), I am grateful that the past few days have been highly conducive to learning and discovering new insights in my current quasi-pathetic life. Though the experience makes me miss those precious moments I've had with my university classmates, I guess I have to make do with utilizing my facebook notes just as to provide an avenue for these thoughts.

Hmm... Okay, start. :))

A while ago, during the silent stretch of minutes I spent crouching on bed trying to appease the pain in my tummy, the lack of anything else better to do had me going back to what is now my favorite (and probably only) hobby: introspection. Yesterday, Min and I watched The Life of Pi on the big screen. It was a visual treat, to say the least. But more than that, it is the impact of the movie - how it made me think - that I loved the most. It is so thought-provoking to the point that it made me cry.

Tears. The general topic of my hour-long reflection a while ago. It made me wonder why and how tears work. Our ever dependable friend Google provided me with the fact that there are three types of tears: basal, reflex, and psychic. Basal tears are 'constant tears'. They stop our eyes from drying out. Reflex tears, on the other hand, are secreted when an irritant threatens our eyes. This is also the type of tears that is linked with vomiting, coughing, and yawning. Psychic tears, often referred to as crying/weeping, are the by-product of strong emotional stress or any fundamentalist chemical reaction related to the workings of the limbic system.

Of all three, it is the last one which made me think. Generally, it is often assumed that people shed (psychic) tears when they are sad, angry, suffering, mourning, stressed, or in any form of intense (may vary depending on the person) psychological or physical pain. Except for those so-called rare moments when people produce 'tears of joy'. It has become an accepted fact that the presence of tears is related to a form of severe (again, may vary depending on the person) discomfort.

I've been living my life sharing this same thought with (probably) the rest of the people on the planet until yesterday. We were still twenty minutes to the film but I think I already cried a quarter of a pint. I cried because the film is beautiful --- the lines, the visuals, the message.

And it made me question the long established belief of crying as the mind's natural defense against stress. I was never stressed during the movie and the parts that made me tear up were not sentimental at all. It then gave birth to a random thought in my head: what if it is never really discomfort that causes our tears but rather beauty? Beauty, in its purest sense. May it be the presence or absence of it. I refer to Beauty here in its most abstract definition. Beauty that involves perceptual experience and is not limited to the physicality.

Is a thing beautiful because you can relate to it or can you relate to it because it is beautiful? This is a hypothetical question which I believe I can only answer after loooooong, long hours of introspection (and that does not necessarily mean I will have a full grasp of it too). Reflecting on it, the immediate answer would be the first one. A thing becomes beautiful when we can relate to it. It highlights the thought that the standard of beauty is not given by anybody but ourselves: it is only beautiful once you agree to it. A dry leaf may look unappealing to the rest of the world but if that thing inspires you, then it is beautiful. 

But then again, there are things that everyone generally find beautiful. And sometimes, their reasons for thinking it beautiful vary. Like how we can all agree that a night sky full of stars is beautiful or the sound of soft rain drumming on a glass window is pleasant to the ears. There are things which immediately strike us as beautiful without us even noticing it initially. So how could it happen that we find a thing beautiful first without necessarily finding any connection to ourselves? That in itself, puts the first statement in question.

See, it's a viscious cycle.

Like when I watched the movie 'Children of Heaven' (that was probably one of the most beautiful films ever made), I cried too. The two movies I've mentioned were no melodramatic films (in fact, CoH is so incredibly simple), that if I would deduct the reason behind my tears for both, it will only end up in one conclusion: because they are beautiful.

Hence, it made me think and made me question what experts have defined psychic tears to be.

We cry not because we are sad or we are in a great deal of stress but rather because we find things beautiful. We do not necessarily need "intense" stimuli but rather a 'soft, gentle touch' is enough. What matters is that we feel it. Beauty affects us in ways that we never imagine it could. Beauty is harmony and balance. When we want to put things in order, set our priorities straight, look for a distraction to an otherwise monotonous life, it is because we find beauty in it. We cry for beautiful things --- beauty that is not limited to what the sense of vision can provide but rather to that which gets all senses working. It is when it touches a part of ourselves that even us did not know until it happened. When something is so incredibly amazing, it hits you with so much force that you are eventually moved to tears. Beauty --- the presence or absence of it.

When you are heartbroken and you cry rivers of tears, you cry not only because you are hurt but more because you subconsciously realize the absence of something beautiful in your life. Most of us only gets to the most obvious point: that which is pain, that we do not bother to reflect more about the deeper meaning behind it. People are funny beings: we oftentimes notice what is absent than than what is present at the moment. We easily see the lack of beauty, kindness, goodness, and everything that is pure that when we notice the utter simplicity of something beautiful, it leaves us awestruck.

And if were think of it again, there is Beauty in Pain. There is Beauty in everything. The realization I had a while ago got me so hard I started crying again.

Ah, life. There is a stigma against tears and to be honest, that thought of it makes me cry.

Twenty is the new thirteen...

written by my dearest enemy, Jen Namis. The original post is in her (now defunct) multiply account. This will always be one of m favorite coming-of-age essays/rants. Haha. :)

Twenty is the new thirteen

Screw those bastards who said thirteen was the awkward stage!

Whoever they were probably haven't reached their early twenties yet, or have slept through the entire ordeal and have literally missed half their life. (Considering, of course, that they have such short life-spans, or that they have slept through more than just their twenties)  Anyway, back to my battle cry...

Screw those bastards who said thirteen was the awkward stage!

Whatever makes thirteen so awkward? The pre-adolescent break-outs? The hormonal changes? The "starting to notice the opposite sex in a more than friendly kind of way" stage? The blooming rebelliousness? The growth spurt? (Which, by the way, was something that I practically missed out on. Much to my chagrin.)

If these are the things that make 13 so freakin' awkward, then I should have committed myself to a lifetime of this "awkwardness" and refuse to blow a candle more than thirteen every year. Who knows, if I stayed thirteen long enough, maybe God would bless me with a four-inch miraculous growth spurt overnight! Hahaha... I wish!

The discomforts of being thirteen pales by comparison to every heart-breaking, -stopping, -shattering, -bursting, -wrenching, -beating, -aching, -tearing, -smashing heartless moments that come after that doggone phase. Let’s just say that if being 13 is like going to class naked, then being 20 is like going everywhere naked, with your skin glowing the brightest shade of orange just so everyone who’s at least 20 feet away can instantly recognize that it’s you walking naked around town. Hmmm… Come to think of it, that’s actually not awkward. It’s AWFUL! So, just how much worse can things get after the 13th year of thy genesis?

Remember the hormonal changes you use as an excuse for those days they call you an assh*le? Well, grab the opportunity while you still can! A few more years from that and you can’t ever use the “hormonal imbalance” slip when people smack you in the head, shout at you in front of a crowd, and ask you (in a not-so-nice sort of way), “What the EFFF is the matter with you?! Grow up!” And with those two last words, you finally realize that you actually are too old to look like you’re still undergoing any dramatic physical and hormonal changes that would merit you the right to use such alibi.

And then there’s the “I’m starting to notice the opposite sex in a more than friendly kind of way” stage… Well, good! The point here is this: you notice. You JUST notice. There’s no harm in that. When you grow wiser (I refuse to say “older”),  believe me, you wish you could go back to the time when you can notice certain things and not have any dilemmas about what to do about these things you’re noticing.

Then there’s the blooming rebelliousness… When you’re in a state of teenage angst, this sounds like a pretty good way of airing your opinions to the world. But we (the world) hope that someday you’ll grow out of it because part of growing up is learning how to express your thoughts in a more civilized manner (say, blogging for example… hahahaha!).

Hence, when we (the world) see that you’re already too friggin’ old to be wearing eyeliners, piercing every imaginable body part, and turning the radio volume up so you can let Simple Plan do the rest of your raving for you, we (the neighbors who are tired of hearing that you’re not “Perfect”) expect you to act like the cultured person you’re supposed to be and settle your issues in a refined manner. So, if you’re obviously too old to be categorized under “angst-ridden teenager”, we frankly don’t give a crap whether you’re being a rebel or not.

Need I say more about the growth spurt that only those younger than me can have the chance to experience? Yes, I need to! Heck!!! Growth spurts are so NOT awkward!!! People who say that are ungrateful wretches! And having aired out my disappointments let me move on to a more serious note.

I remembered what my mom said when I talked to her about why I was really, really upset the other week.

She just told me to be strong. If I couldn't handle something like that, then I’m not ready for the real world. She told me never to be afraid of failures and disappointments. I should learn to live with them because when the time comes when I have to fend for myself, I’m sure to face more than the challenges I’m facing now. She told me that I had to learn these things because, in life, we have no choice but to move forward.

The awkward stage is not the one where you are assaulted by such trivial matters as mood swings, zits, unrequited affection, and growth spurts (or the lack of it). The real awkward stage is the one where you have to decide whether you’re ready to take on the real world, or you’re just too scared to leave the comfort of the world you've created. It‘s the one where you have to make up your mind about getting out there and affirming the person you think you are, or staying in your comfort zone, content to believe that you are who you think you are without really putting it to the test.

The real awkward stage is the one where you have to slowly move on from crying over a failed exam to crying over the plight of the world. You get to care less about what to wear the next day, and you get to care more about how to treasure every moment left of your life. Because in the end, all that really matters is adding life to your years, and not inches to your height.

Love, what do you look like?

Love, what do you look like?

I’ve heard tales of your beauty,
of gold molded on your skin,

music rippling from your fingertips and
sunshine embedded like golden crystals in your eyes.

Your eyes, they sing of stories
of swallowed worlds, of living dreams,

eternal happiness.

And that everyone who drowns in their depths,
dies and lives again.

But I also heard that you’re cruel;

storm brewing on your lips, and misery caged in the cracks

between your teeth.

Your hair is a crown of electric wires

stripped naked,

and your nose, pointed, like sharp drills, gleaming,

taunting, waiting.

But love, what do you look like?

For I might have seen you,
touched you, smelled you, 

tasted you,
and I didn’t 

know that it’s you.

Perhaps,

you are the broken shards 

of obsolete seashells abandoned by the ocean,

the fiery diamonds 

kicked out from the sky, 

the melodious fluttering of a butterfly’s wing,

the dying growl 

of the thunderstorm at a distance.

Are you not the branch 

of the citrus tree swaying by my window,

the smell of tea leaves drying 

on an unwashed cup, the yawn 

of the cat resting on the table top?

Are you this tall, gangly boy 

I caught looking at me

for the seventh time since the bell has rung? 

Or perhaps,

you are the awkward, buck-toothed friend 

I hugged last on the airport terminal home?

Love, what do you look like?

They say you have many faces,

but which one is true?

Tell me, what do you look like?

Because I don’t know.

I don't know.

International Kimchi Buffet Party (ASEAN, South Korea, and the Youth in International Relations)

In an online international community board that I frequently visit, there is this certain personal thread which spanned fifty pages and it all started on the simple topic of pairing different members of Korean pop culture icons with one another. What started as a simple exchange between three bored users caught the interests of another four until the thread moved fast and other people joined in. Eleven months after the thread started, we have long moved away from the original topic of the thread itself and along with it, established a familiar and relatively closer relationship with those who were actively participating in the discussion.

It did not come as a surprise when I learned that of the eleven most active participants, we had filled out all positions of each Southeast Asian country with the exception of Cambodia and Laos. Though our communication is limited only within the parameters of our computer monitors and the signal bars on our internet connections, I can say that the relationships I have built with my online friends have rightfully reached the level of how I interact with my close circle of friends in the 'real' world. The maxim of how technology has deduced everything into one global village has never rang truer in my ears.

Just like personal relationships, interstate kinship does not happen overnight. It takes years and it needs the fundamental concept of mutual trust and understanding for it to last. In the case of ASEAN, its success lies on the fact that the member countries share a lot of similarities. They are of the same region, sharing common traditions, of same economic standing, and working together towards the same goals. There is no hegemonic state prior to its establishment which is why it was easier for them to trust each other and move forward together. Though some scholars may argue that the premise of the creation of the ASEAN is to prevent hostilities between Southeast Asian nations, the fact that the different states comprising the said body were able to compromise, form a multilateral agreement benefiting all the states involved, and work together peacefully for forty years now, say a lot about the established network and strong sense of regional integration that has been inculcated into the organization after years of working together.

Though they do not share the same economic supremacy as their wealthier East Asian neighbors, ASEAN, considered as a single entity, is an economic powerhouse of its own. With a population reaching an approximate 8.8% of the world population, a strong production base, and a large consumer force with sufficient purchasing power, the Southeast Asian region has become a competent market by essence. Such is the strong potential Southeast Asia has that the richer East Asian nations extend a hand for dialogue and partnership with the region.

With the current economic status of China, Japan, and Korea, one may ask: why is there a need for them to establish affiliation and build ties with their neighbors? The answer to this is that, economic stability is not the sole reason to which foreign policy is pegged on. Foreign policy is a multi-faceted concept which encompasses political, social, and economical factors. In today's era where globalization is a truistic principle, it is of high importance that states secure strong alliance with other countries so as to protect their national interest. Currently, China is taking a rather aggressive strategy by asserting its influence; whereas Japan aims to woo ASEAN by continuing its community development programs in the region. With both countries using highly varied tactics, this leaves Korea in a conundrum wherein they have to reach out to ASEAN without aggravating the fierce competition already present between China and Japan. To attain this, it is necessary to take the first step by establishing multi-regional frameworks and strengthening diplomatic relations.

As aforementioned, relationships need time and effort for it to grow. In case of interstate alliances, there is an underlying and implicit need for states to be assured that there will be no hegemonic tendencies arising from its affiliates. This concept can be simplified as mutual trust. A relationship starts best when both parties are of equal standing; as the thought of having a superior and inferior status creates a concept of imbalance right at the beginning. Granting that the diverse background of states already provide unequal degree when it comes to economic status, mutual trust happens with the existence of the principle of cultural tolerance and respect. This is where the role of the youth comes in.

Nowadays, foreign- and cultural-exchange programs are popular all throughout the world. Objectives of said activities usually revolve around broadening perspectives; exploring, appreciating, and understanding different cultures; enabling participants to learn working on cross-cultural environments; and to eliminate fear and prejudice among nations. To some, this might appear as but an avenue to expand their horizons, but if one will look at it closely, foreign-exchange programs are actually one of the many ways to promote international relations between different countries. On programs such as these, it is notable how they usually target the youth.

The United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) lists 1.8 billion young people in the world today. This translates that the youth comprise approximately 26.57% of the world's total population. In as much as heads of state put their best foot forward by strengthening their foreign policies through diplomatic ties, the mandate of a collective national mindset is a necessary step for said efforts to flourish. No matter how state leaders do their best to extend their hands, if the action itself is not mirrored by majority of the people in their respective countries, the goal for a friendlier Pan-Asian neighborhood will not be feasible. In relation to the youth, the statistics showing their large population gives a fair proof on how large of a role the youth plays in today's society. Exchange programs are directed to them because it is the young people who will play a pivotal role in achieving a state's goals in the near future.

In creating an environment where young people are trained to be open-minded, globally-competitive, and culturally sensitive, we are shaping citizens who will be assets not only to our respective states but to the international community as well. As representatives of their nations, they are coerced to act in accordance to the universal standard of what is right; and in such experience, they learn to be tolerant, goal-driven, and morally just. Such characteristics are needed in order to mold future leaders who will not only push forward the development of their respective states but also work hard to assist their Asian neighbors. This kind of mentality assures collective security and strengthens the diplomatic ties that took years in the making.

By inspiring young people to work together harmoniously without inhibitions, we take the first step in building a good foundation of a strong Pan-Asian community. Just like how a simple avenue for discussion and exchange gave me the chance to feel closely affiliated with their countries and be friends with Khansa, Nara, Mel, Arief, Dani, Mingying, Zaw Bo, Mukjil, Oanh, and Awiem May, every opportunity that will immerse the youth to a varied environment will bear fruition. As it will always goes back to the old adage of the youth being the future of the nation, the future of ASEAN and Korean cooperation lies on the hands of the youth.

In this post I bare my life...

Last night, after four hours of staring at the monitor where creeps are headbanging against each other, I once again realized the importance of having a good fried who understands your personal and professional life.

As we wait for the jeep that would take me to the boarding house that has been my surrogate home for the past week in this city, I was finally able to talk about what has been boggling my mind for the past months or so. You see, the last time I was part of the employed portion of the Philippine population was last September. It is my stubbornness that made me do so. Partly because I felt that I should be doing something else.

Sometimes, I suffer from much internal conflict because of the principles that I have sworn myself to follow. For one, I believe in quitting a job first before finding another one. This might be something that has sprouted from my weird perception of respect. Why find a job if you already have one to begin with? Doesn't that come off as disrespectful to the company or organization you are working for? I guess it was just my inherent desire to come off as a just person which is why I justify my lack of interest in a said occupation by providing an avenue for self-generated stagnation by not doing what sane people usually do. It could also be because I am a stubborn and arrogant bitch that I feel that job-hunting isn't something that would be tagged under my belt as I am used with only having one to two weeks of waiting for a job I applied for before they come calling me.

Whatever the reason might be, I was in it for a bad situation. After resigning, I started looking for jobs. Sadly, nothing happened. Four months after resignation and I'm still jobless. I tried praying, asking God for guidance. Still, nothing happened. There was a point in time when I went from thinking that 'this is not what God wants me to' to 'God is only teaching me a lesson' to 'Is God even listening?'. To which the last one I am trying my best not to think about. But it keeps popping in my subconscious, as if it's the question all of humanity should answer.

I presume nobody really thought much of the internal battles I was facing. After all, I still manage to crack some jokes, spazz online, talk animatedly with friends, even counsel a cousin to go back to school after giving up on her studies. I still look okay. And what's so sad is that, I even fooled myself into thinking that I was okay.

It wasn't when I talked to a friend one night in January, when I opened up my mixed feelings of 'wanting to die, not wanting to die, and feeling like dying', that I realized how battered I was with all that was happening. Albeit that talk only prompted me to pack my bags and go to Davao for some 'soul-searching' (I never really thought I'll ever use this word in my entire life, but here is it now), it was last night when the reason dawned on me.

Bapa said that the reason why I keep on changing jobs and losing my interest is because I haven't found something I love doing yet. He was right. Somehow, I already know that but hearing it from somebody else ratifies the reason. I got teary-eyed after realizing how my professional life (or lack thereof) has been threatening my personal life all along. I realized how my principles, though just and commendable, do not always stand in the real world.

"Do not blame God or yourself. It is not your fault that the unemployment rate of the Philippines is high."

I laughed when he said this; but it was true, alright. I'm not used with failure and rejection so I felt really down when it happened to me. In that talk, I was enlightened with a lot of things.

Which brings me to what happened today that is basically the reason why I’m doing this post. My grandma called me. Apparently, I’ve been hired now. I am employed. In a government office.

Funnily enough, I never actually did want to work in that office. In this hiring, I am quite sure I am violating a lot of the principles I've tried my best to stand up to for years. The office didn't even call me, they just contacted my grandmother, and I'm not sure about the working environment there. But then, having something to do is always better than idly waiting for a miracle.

I know I may be committing the same mistake again by going on this even though this isn’t what my heart tells me so but I’m still hoping that at the end of this, I will gain something out of it.

Hopefully, it would be something that I will be proud of.

Right now, the most pressing concern that I am facing is that I wouldn't be with the trolls on February 10 for Syoo's birthday. :(

Why do young Filipinos write mostly in English?

Sinubok naming lumikha sa wikang katutubo — sa wikang nararapat at itinadhanang yariin upang mahubog at mapagyaman ang Lahing Kayumanggi. Sinubok naming ipinta ang kulay ng buhay gamit ang maramot na tinta ng pluma; ikinintal ang panaka-naka’y mailap na bugso ng damdamin; hulihin at ikahon sa parisukat na dahon ang mga salitang nagniningas, nagpupumilit pumainlang sa aming balintataw.

Yamang hindi kami dalubhasa, ang bawat pagsubok ay nawawangis sa isang batong inihagis pataas upang bumulusok lamang sa burak.

Hindi matatantya ang hirap magsulat sa ating Wikang Pambansa — ang magamit ito ng puro at walang bahid ng kung anumang dilang banyaga. Hindi biro ang pagbigkas sa isang wikang binulaklakan ng talinghaga at inanod sa kagandahan. Kawangis ng gintong ikinahihiyang haplusin ng isang hamak na pulubi, hindi madaling gamitin ang Wikang Filipino - ang Wika ng mga Makata.